


My Demons and Your Lullaby

by 8NightLight8



Series: My Demons and Your Lullaby [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Emotional Baggage, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Irondad, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Young Peter Parker, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 05:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15405921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8NightLight8/pseuds/8NightLight8
Summary: Ned sometimes joked that he had the perfect life. He lived in the Stark Tower and had access to all of the Stark Industries labs. He was allowed to play hide and seek with the staff and run around the hallways. Tony made him breakfast, tucked him into bed and got him seven humongous Lego sets for his birthday…But Tony hasn’t always been his dad, the scenes from his nightmares were real and there was something hidden inside of him that could end everything – if he let it loose.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place three years after the events of Civil War. In it Peter Parker is seven years old and lives with Tony at the Stark Tower.

Monday mornings at the Stark tower have always been busy. The phones at the reception were ringing non-stop and the security points were beeping propitiatory, letting the still half asleep employees make their way to their departments after they had scanned their passes. The smell of coffee permeated the reception area.

Peter sat on one of the white padded benches near the entrance and was swinging his feet blithely, while he observed the morning rush. He has always found it calming. It reminded him of the beehive Tony and he saw during one of their holyday retreats and he didn’t even need to squint in order to paint the walls yellow and see all of the workers as oversized, worried and neatly dressed bees, who were hurrying to make sure that their home will be fully stacked before winter. Hundreds of the conversations around him slowly turned into a finely tuned buzzing. He giggled, but let the image fade from his mind once he saw one his favourite receptionist approaching.

“Now what do we have here?” She smiled, handing him a cookie which previously lay on her coffee plate. “Did the big boss finally manage to part from his little cub in time?”

The boy took a bite, and then shook his head at her giddily, already grinning in the anticipation of what her reaction words would be. “He burned the pancakes again and had to get me of the floor before the kitchen caught fire.”

A sharp laugh ripped through Bree’s facade and filled the floor, causing a few confused heads to turn towards the unusual pair, but Peter wasn’t bothered by it in the slightest. He watched one of his parental figures being consumed with glee and tried to imprint the scene before him in the depths of his memory.

“Well it seems like even his _lack_ of a talent is useful for something, huh?”

Peter nodded with his mouths full, still smiling, then stood up as Happy’s car heaved into view and stopped right in front of the main entrance. He quickly put the Iron man backpack that his dad was so fond of on his shoulders and took a short second to give Bree a hug, before racing towards Happy with a quick “I will see you tomorrow!”, her “Have fun!” reaching him when he was already opening the back door.

***

Car rides with Happy were always fun. The bodyguard scared Peter a bit when he first met him, but it didn’t take long for him to learn that the hefty man was actually a big softie… Once you got a few gallons of coffee in him at least. The mornings were even tougher on him than they were on Tony.

Peter sat in the car seat and tinkered with the Lego robot he named E-MOJI while stealing quick glances through the window. Today was a big day. The project he and Ned have been working on was almost complete and if it all goes well E-MOJI will become fully operative before lunch break.

Due to the six sensors that Ned and Peter made themselves and due to the many hours they spent on its programing, the robot should be able to recognise weather a person is happy, sad or angry before showing a related smiley on its little black and white screen. This has been the hardest project him and Ned have done so far and he was really excited to see its results finally come to life.

Even though Happy informed him that he had stopped listening to his rambles almost fifteen minutes ago, Peter still continued to explain to him how Ned got the sensors to work and even though the grumpy rumble about Tony corrupting him could be heard from the driver’s seat from time to time, the boy could see the bodyguard sporting a soft smile in the rear-view window.

***

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up a few seconds before an unwelcome voice reached his ears.

“Hey Penis!”

Peter’s breathing spiked. His muscles tensed. His senses dialled to a point at which he could hear the conversations happening at the other side of the street. He didn’t need to look up in order to know who was standing in front of him.

Flash was a few years his senior and everybody at Midtown primary school knew that he was trouble. He didn’t have the best grades. He got suspended five times already and he loved stepping on things that were smaller then him. Just a few days ago Peter stood in the hall, frozen while the bully and his friends dropped a trashcan on Ned’s hair.

“Hey Penis!” Flash brought his hands to a clap in front of his face and Peter did everything in his power not to flinch. He remembered to breathe slowly, like his dad taught him, even though his body was already shaking with fear.

“You really are as dumb as they say you are hm?” Flash continued. “It’s a shame that the great Tony Stark decided to adopt the biggest idiot on the planet. I’d say good luck with the company, but I don’t think that even that could help him get out of the mess he put himself in.” Flash tilted his head in thought for a moment and Peter tried his best to tug E-MOJI who was sitting on the table in front of him closer to his chest unnoticeably. He needed something, anything that could help him calm down. His head was buzzing. He was stuck in his worst nightmare.

“I guess he must be an idiot too then,” Flash came to his conclusion, before he ripped the robot out of Peter’s hands and threw it against one of the lockers. After a loud bang, the Lego pieces slid across the floor, a few of them ending under Flashes’ feet when he finally turned to leave.

“Have fun presenting your precious project, Penis!” He shouted, just before he turned the corner.

Peter sat still. The sound of E-MOJI crashing to pieces still echoed in his head, but the robot wasn’t his main concern at that moment. He could see it coming. He could see Flash’s hand closing in on something he held dear and he could feel anger boiling inside of him as it happened. The urge to react was strong, aggressive. It consumed him like wildfire.

His surroundings blurred as his eyes filled with tears. He almost did it, he almost did it again and now he couldn’t _breathe_. He could feel his heart stopping, even though it was beating so hard that his body shook with it... And he _couldn’t breathe_.

***

Ned sometimes joked that he had the perfect life. He lived in the Stark Tower and had access to all of the Stark Industries labs. He was allowed to play hide and seek with the staff and run around the hallways. Tony made him breakfast, tucked him into bed and got him seven humongous Lego sets for his birthday…

But Tony hasn’t always been his dad, the scenes from his nightmares were real and there was something hidden inside of him that could end everything – if he let it loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you liked this chapter! If you want you can also come chat with me on Tumblr, my url is 8night-light8. :)


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Uncle Rhodey and Peter reached the edge of Central park, the boy’s mind has found its new primary focus: Ice-cream. The place his dad always took him to was just across the street and being unable to see it yet caused the boy to bounce on his feet excitedly. His outings with Rhodey were rare as he usually spent his afternoons with Tony, but the meeting his dad was currently attending must have been too important to cancel… Not that Peter was complaining.

Colonel Rhodes was the second person he met when he first came to the Stark Tower and since then he had been a constant in Peter’s life. He dropped by regularly and there hasn’t been a week where Peter didn’t get to talk to him, even when he was on one of his military missions.

The fact that Tony and Rhodey were best friends was only one of the reasons why Peter loved spending time with his uncle. If he badgered him long him long enough the man told him all kinds of stories about his dad, including the one where Tony and Rhodey decided to create and be the heads of a Dungeons and Dragons club in college.

Peter grabbed his uncle’s sleeve and started to drag him towards the ice cream place as soon as the light turned green, grinning widely at the sound of the colonel’s laughter. Combined with the gentle hissing of his leg braces, it was one of his favourites.

***

Peter’s surroundings blurred as the room spun around him and he let out a squeal, hiding his face into his dad’s neck just to be attacked by a sea of kisses. His giggles were muffled, their usual pitch lost in the hug and he only managed to dial them down when Tony’s cheek finally settled against his hair. They stayed like that for a few moments, bathing in their happiness, before Tony’s hold on Peter’s back loosened and the boy leaned back a little to meet his father’s gaze.

“Did you have a good day?” Tony asked once he had had a good look at Peter’s face and the latter nodded, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The boy concluded, allowing one of his palms to brush through his dad’s hair and come to a rest at the back of his head.

“Good.” Tony bowed his head slightly when the word left his mouth, than tapped Peter’s back lightly and put him down carefully, making sure that the kid’s legs stood firmly against the ground before he let go of his sides and placed an arm on the boy’s right shoulder. He looked towards the colonel, who was still standing right in front of the elevator and was observing the pair fondly, before motioning towards the kitchen. “Come on, F.R.I.D.A.Y. ordered us pizza.”

***

As far as Peter knew he must have drifted off sometime during their second episode of Gravity Falls with his throat sore from telling Tony all about his and Uncle Rhodey’s adventures and his head resting snugly on his father’s lap. He woke up to the warmth of his bed, to his favourite plush toy tucked neatly under his armpit and to two familiar voices coming from the living room.

“…this cannot continue, Tony, and you know it.” Rhodey’s voice was firm, determined.

“And what would you have me do, huh?” His dad snapped after something which sounded like a tool hit the table. “Take him to the psychiatrist again? The last time someone got him to talk about what happened he stopped speaking for a week.”

Peter could hear his uncle sigh. “Look. I know that was hard on you and I am not saying it is the only option, but the fear is _killing_ him, Tones. You should have seen him on the playground today, as soon as some kid accidently tripped over his legs I had to snap him out of a fucking panic attack. And do you seriously believe that this robot just fell from his hands? Someone is bullying him and he won’t even stand up for himself.”

“The kid’s name is Eugine Tompson.” Tony growled, hatred and despite woven into every syllable of his sentence. “I have been trying to get him thrown out of school for almost a year now.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that that’s gonna fix the bigger problem.” Rhodes paused in thought before continuing carefully. “You said you wanted to give him a normal life, Tony. This is not living a normal life, this is being afraid. He has been here for almost three years now and the only time I saw him use his powers was when he accidently broke a glass with his hand during breakfast and we had to stich him up. I mean he is a kid Tones. He should be climbing around the walls of this place instead of panicking whenever someone even mentions his gym.”

“You know why he doesn’t like using his powers.”

“I do, but is he really in control? Would you like to tell me now that he dislocated your shoulder in December on purpose? That he purposely bruised your back like that?”

“No.” Tony’s voice was full of sincerity, growing softer and as he continued. He sounded worn out, tired, like he was only barely holding on to hope. “It was an accident. He had just woken up from a nightmare…”

“Exactly. And he couldn’t control his super-strength because he was too afraid, because he never uses it when he is okay and at times when he is angry or petrified it just takes over! It is not safe, Tony. You know it isn’t.”

For a few moments all Peter could hear were the screams of his thoughts and the beats of his racing heart. He had _hurt_ Tony. He had hurt _his dad_ and he hadn’t even known that it happened… The quiet sound of mental pieces being put together returned and the boy’s palms jumped to his mouth, covering it tightly to prevent a sharp sob from escaping.

He nearly missed the defeated “I know”, barely hearable over his struggle to get a lung-full of air, but the brokenness of these last two words haunted him even after he finally fell into a restless slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you liked this chapter! If you want you can also come chat with me on Tumblr, my url is 8night-light8. :)


	3. Chapter 3

His room was dark, the Lego-robot on his bedside table illuminated only by a soft beam of light slipping through the crack of his ajar door. Peter’s heart was heavy, but he failed to figure out why, the sleepiness still holding him in its warm daze. He let out a long yawn and rubbed his eyes before sitting up slowly and searching the floor for his slippers. As his feet found the floor the worn out parquet creaked quietly, as if it was welcoming him back. Peter froze. The flooring at the Tower wasn’t made of wood.

The wave of sound hit him suddenly, its unforgiving force causing him to stumble and he barely managed to catch himself, gripping the shelf of his dresser tightly. He could hear everything: Aunt May’s light breaths as she prepared them breakfast, a couple arguing a few apartments away, a dog barking on the other side of the street and thousands upon thousands of vehicles whirring loudly on the streets of New York.

His sight blurred, then came to an abrupt focus on the small bits of dust dancing in the air right in front of him. Peter blinked rapidly, then startled as his eyes started darting across the room at an unimaginable pace. His breathing raged as he tried to prevent himself from puking. Something was wrong. Something was really, really wrong. He wanted to scream for Tony, but he knew that he wouldn’t come. His head was pounding and by the time he learned that he was able to smell the garbage van from a few blocks over he was screaming.

He never heard May’s footsteps. They mixed with all of the other sounds and got lost in his pain. A warm hand landed on his shoulder and it burned him, like it was made of molten metal... He wasn’t able to think; he just acted.

Peter didn’t know how much time passed before he came to consciousness again. By the time he did, however, his senses were far less frantic. His head was still pounding, but if he concentrated hard enough he could at least get his surrounding and the sounds and smells closest to him into focus. The first thing he noticed was that his knees were enveloped by something warm and sticky. He opened his eyes to his aunt lying lifelessly on the ground next to him, with eyes wide open and a pool of blood forming around her head which must have hit the dresser.

Panic flew through him as he whispered her name over and over again, holding her hand gently, pleading her to stir, until she disappeared from his grasp and a new body was laid in front of him. The boy jerked back, his sobs turning into a scream.

It wasn’t May. It wasn’t Flash’s broken form clutching E-MOJI loosely in his palms…

It was Tony.

It was _his dad_.

***

“Peter! Peter! Come on, you’ve got to wake up kid. Peter!”

Peter jerked violently before sitting up, his lungs begging for air and his cheeks wet with tears as he found himself experiencing another panic attack. He could still see Tony’s broken body in front of him, with a hint of a comforting smile, staring at him blankly, accusingly. He did this. He hurt him. He _hurt_ him! He was dangerous.

“Kiddo?” A strong, rough palm threaded through his messy curls softly, carefully, but the familiar manner failed to bring the boy closer to ease. He drew back quickly and his lower back collided with the headboard as he ran out of space on his bed, the pain momentarily granting him a hint of clarity.

Tony was sitting on the edge of his mattress, dressed in his nightwear. Surprise was clear on his face, but Peter knew him well enough to also be able to notice a pinch of hurt in his eyes before he managed to cover it up completely.

_Even when I am trying to protect him I am still hurting him_ , Peter thought with a wince. His chest was still heaving with breathlessness as he struggled to calm himself down. He would hide himself in his dad’s arms normally, with Tony’s hands drawing circles on the back of his head and his comforting words tickling Peter’s ear as he timed his breaths with his father’s, but he couldn’t let himself have that now. He couldn’t. He could _injure_ him. So he just squeezed his plush toy tightly and hoped for the best.

“You are okay, Pete.” Tony’s words found him then, breaking his thoughts stream of consciousness instantly, effortlessly and brought him back to the task at hand. “Breathe kiddo. Everything is going to be okay, just breathe. Come on Peter, count with me.”

When the first number left his mouth it felt like fire, stealing his much needed air and bringing more tears to his eyes. By the time they reached five, he didn’t need to force his breaths to come out in a rhythm anymore and when they reached number fifteen he could look into his dad’s eyes without breaking down again.

As he saw the worry drawing wrinkles on Tony’s face he got overwhelmed by a sudden need to explain. “I…” The rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat, but he pushed the words forward despite it. “I hurt you. I _hurt_ you.”

Tony scrunched his nose and closed his eyes for a short moment, his lips turning into a frown. “You heard Rhodey and me talking.”

“I am sorry. I am so so sorry.” Peter continued, with the silent tears dripping down his chin soaking his stuffed animal’s ear as his heart fluttered. “I am always s-so careful not to react on instinct, but this… I didn’t even _know_ , dad!”

“It wasn’t your fault, kiddo,” Tony sighed, then scooted closer to Peter slowly and draped a blanked around his shoulders. “None of this was ever your fault.”

“B-But I…”

Tony’s hand found his curls again.

“You don’t have to say it, Pete.”

Peter just shook his head. He had to. He knew he did. The secret was just at the tip of his tongue, heavy and grainy. If he kept it there again it would only grow, ripping his insides further... And who knows if he would ever get a second chance to let it see the light of day.

“I killed her.”

The silence that followed his confession was heavy, but somehow the boy felt light. Unexpected relief washed over him. Like he was finally able to breathe again. Like he was a little bit freer.

Tony’s eyes locked with his for a while and yet his calming movements never faltered.

“You did,” he said, his voice calm, certain, clear. His eyes were still focused on Peter. “But it was an accident. You had just gained your powers. Your senses were all over the place for weeks after that. You were _four_.”

“I couldn’t bear her touch. I-I reacted on…”

“You reacted on instinct.”

The boy nodded. They sat there on the bed, quiet, unmoving and every minute felt like an hour as Tony’s eyes shined with love and pride, looking at his son with affection even after his confession. Peter moved towards his dad deliberately, when his heart swelled. His every move was thought-trough, careful as he climbed onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his torso loosely, before lowering his forehead onto his shoulder. Tony sighed in content, than placed a long kiss onto Peter’s hair, allowing the boy to relax as he pulled him closer still. A long time passed before they broke the silence again.

“Uncle Rhodey was right,” Peter finally whispered into his father’s shoulder. “I am terrified.”

Tony’s only response was another kiss landing on his temple.

“I am trying to be careful all the time, but when Flash talked trash about us I almost lost it. I was so _scared_ of being angry, but I couldn’t stop… Every bit of me wanted to take E-MOJI back from him and yet my mind just kept thinking about May… I hate feeling like this, dad. I hate it so much.”

“I know kiddo.” His father words were a light breeze, even to his ears.

The boy nuzzled even further into Tony’s neck. “I was so sure I had everything under control, but I only made it worse… And I hurt both you and myself in the process.” He went quiet for a few moments than leaned back slightly to be able to get a look of his dad’s face. “We need to fix this.” He stated, determination permeating his every word. “We need to fix _me_.”

The amount of emotions that ran across Tony’s face was far too big for Peter to comprehend, but a few of them were revealed as his father enveloped his face in his hands. “I am so, so proud of you.” He said seriously, holding his son’s gaze. “And I love you. More than anything.”

“I love you too,” Peter replied, but only got to see the adoration in his father’s eyes for a few seconds before Tony showered him with kisses and caused him to laugh.

 “What are we going to do, dad?” The boy asked a few minutes later, a wide smile still beaming on his face.

“Well, first we are going to update your gym and make it the coolest place on earth, with all the best playground equipment and bouncy castles and everything you can think of.” Tony replied, a boop on Peter’s nose when he said the word ‘you’ earning him a giggle. “And then we are going to have fun. We will learn all about your powers and figure out the best way to control them, but most importantly…” Tony stopped as Peter placed a hand on his stubble, his heart full of love and hope and happiness. “We are both gonna be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed this little ficlet. It has been my little summer project and I really loved writing it during the last few days. I apologise if I missed some of the mistakes, or if I formed a few sentences a little weirdly – English is not my mother tongue. Also please let me know what you thought of the story, I am thinking about making it into the first part of a series.


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